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Relationships 7: How to use our differences to elevate ourselves in relationships

Relationships 7: How to use our differences to elevate ourselves in relationships

My mom loves living life spontaneously, strong commitments and plans make her feel somewhat uncomfortable. Ironically you can find me on the complete opposite side of the spectrum. Planning is a complete ecstasy for me!

My husband feels loved the most when I make his life easier by helping him in ways that serve him better. For example he likes when I think in advance and don’t stack dirty plates together that way he doesn’t have to double wash them. He of course likes to be loved in many other ways, but the accumulation of dedicated little services like that one is on the top of the list. What makes me feel loved the most, is to share moments of absolute quality time and good conversations. Feeling that he gets me!

Have you noticed how some people like talking a lot and others don’t?. Are you the type that enjoys a car ride and observes every single thing around you through the car window? or are you more focused on getting to the place you set out to drive to?

We are all different, and there has been extensive research about how we can all fit in different categories, how women and men have certain traits that define them, and within that, how we all value being loved in different ways. Some people feel more loved when they hear their loved one say ” I love you”, others feel loved when their loved ones give them attention and gifts.

I had so much fun making this video, however the treasure of this post is written below the video. Make sure you check out both they compliment each other

In order to use these differences to unite us and grow in our relationships choose these 3 principles and avoid feeling separated, distant or like you don’t belong:

1. Take the time to know the other. I’m not talking about what’s their favorite dish or whether they like going to the movies or not. I’m sure that you know this by now. What I’m referring to, is to really study deeply your loved one. In doing so you will find preferences and traits that the other person is not even aware of yet. If you are working on your relationship with your mother in law, go deeply in observance to find her patterns. Read about women her age, read about women in general do your part. Often times we expect for relationships to just go well without wanting to invest anything on it. Start doing it even if you don’t feel like it. Remember is like you are learning a new language, the language of their world. Anytime you learn something new you will feel some discomfort. Discomfort is good.  In the process of understanding someone love flourishes through empathy and vulnerability.

2. Magic happens when you give in and adjust. Once you have gone deep into understanding where the other person comes from, adjust your actions to accommodate them as much as possible, without compromising your own essence. When you are willing accommodate who you are for others.

• The other person feels understood and seen, which is how we all want to feel.

• By incorporating more of what we aren’t into our character we become more complete, mature and balanced.

• By being the first one to demonstrate how we like to be treated we walk the walk instead of talking it.

• We also get to be the firsts to set a high intentional frequency for the relationship versus being pulled by a defensive low frequency that usually comes with the average space where there are strong differences.

• We open a space for communication to flow because everyone feels like fish in the water, comfortable in their place.

3. Keep your relationship with yourself strong. The more we know ourselves the more we can relate to how good it feels when someone really understands us. Mainly because we have been there. Also because we are so clear on who we are and what we want that we make it easy for others to know it too. Also when you know yourself you can easily identify what will be a deal breaker for you and you could adjust to. Your path is less bumpy if you know that from the start. So don’t waiste any efforts to start dating yourself

So when I go out with my mom I avoid creating a whole plan about our day. I let myself go with her spontaneity, which actually serves well to my love for rigid logistics. During our time the atmosphere allows for a good time. Now and then our natures crash and I’m reminded again of my capabilities ti adjust and understand. Isn’t that what love will do?

What do you do to adjust to your loved ones? Have you ever adjusted so much that you gave in even to things you later discover were deal breakers?  Remember, what we share can be medicine for someone else and for sure a step closer to a stronger vida!

About Dari

I provide value to the world through this blog. My work matters because by sharing my life journey (the good and the not so good) I alleviate the suffering caused by isolation in the world and inside myself. Which means it makes the world a better place. Which really means it helps you (and me) to remember that we belong, we are not alone and that YES indeed we ARE all ONE.

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