The more I express my feelings of gratitude and I let the other person know I see “who they are” or “what they are doing” the more there seems to be an opening for understanding and love deepening.
The first person that modeled this to me regularly was my husband. On a random day he makes me stop what I’m doing, brings me closer to him and say: – I just want you to know that even though I don’t express it all the time I appreciate every little thing you do, from the smallest to the largest I take nothing from granted. Then he starts naming the things I do that he notices and says –for all those things and more I’m forever grateful and that is why I love you.
Other times he says: – I noticed that you aren’t ok. Is there anything bothering you. I’m here to listen, even thought I might not agree I want to make sure we talk about it and that it doesn’t just pass under the table. Please know that I notice and that I’m aware.
I thought to myself is this really happening? or am I in heaven?… Oh that just felt so good!!!. It hit home so well for me that I started doing the same thing to him always right away. Beautiful things can be contagious too!
The main result was feeling a strong connection, literately it feels like the immune system of the relationship becomes so strong that a devastating illness will have to really fight hard to get through and break the connection apart.
Today I’m sharing a practical exercise to keep yourself always aware and in tune with your partner’s feelings. And remember this is something you can do with anyone in your life, we are all connected. Even your boss, your kids, your neighbor your in laws, anyone
I felt that the more we practice that together a special door opened between us allowing us to stay warmed and connected even (and especially) through challenging times.
And after that level came a feeling of communion. Communion: The sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially when the exchange is on a mental or spiritual level.
When you start feeling that level of communion connection with someone or with a collective ideal, distance, dark times, circumstances and any nature of external factors can’t disturb the connection anymore.
It’s important to make a distinction here. This doesn’t mean there aren’t disagreements. It also doesn’t mean that the two people never break apart, it just means that the objective of the union is taking place regardless of the parties involves and regardless of what happens.
I imagine this is how Martin Luther King Jr. felt with his followers and how his followers felt as well. The communion is there even after death or separation. And it will be there even if their believes had manifested a different reality that the one we all know or hope for.
It’s not a feeling of permanency. It always feels like something we are cultivating and building.
Practice with perseverance your gratitude and acknowledgement work. It will count every time until it just becomes second nature. Express your emotions with gentleness and don’t contain them or let silence substitute them.
Here is another analogy I love:
When money comes in, the healthiest thing to do is to put part of the sum aside for rainy days. When you have an emergency that’s when you use your “rainy day” fund allowing you to keep balance through hard times.
Same thing happens with your relationships, except in this case your love currency is your acknowledgements, appreciation and gratefulness.
Every time you receive a gesture that you consider very valuable in your relationship, acknowledge it and be grateful for it. When something seems to go wrong acknowledge the other person’s feelings too. This practice is the immune system booster of your soul and of your relationship’s soul.
Eventually a rainy day will shadow the day in your relationship (inevitable) and everything will looks grey and just like during rainy storms we have a hard time seeing the sun (even though it’s still there shining like always). That’s when you want to break your piggy bank to keep a float and get back on your feet. Your booster will be there in those hard times.